Punishment (& Abs0luti0n)
by DigiKouichi
Summary: a series of post-canon drabbles mostly focusing on Suzaku (CURRENT DRABBLE: Fever Induced - Suzaku is bedridden with a dangerously high fever and Nunnally remains by his side.)
1. Suzaku's Absolution part 1- Forgivness

_**A/N:**_ this started out being inspired by a scene in the Code Geass Stage 0 Light novel but since i was writing by the seat of my pants it took a mind of it's own and became something else entirely! XD in the novel it's revealed that there was another reason behind Suzaku's patricide, which made his actions take on a whole new level of twisted irony.

I wrote this in my notes on my iphone so if there is any spelling or grammar mistakes please forgive me. Spell check on Iphones are a... witch.

* * *

There where times when Nunnally was grateful that she had once been blind. Because without her eyesight her other senses become stronger and even after opening her eyes her senses remained strong.

Which was why she could hear the things people wanted to keep hidden from her.

Gossip from the maids in the room across the hall, political whispers during meetings, soldier's ruckus from the mess hall, and most importantly, the sleep talking of her Knight.

He never talked about himself or tried to explain things away. He still refused to answer certain questions.

He never hesitated to remind her that he was Zero and that Suzaku Kururugi was dead…

But he couldn't hide the truth in his sleep..

When traveling Zero always stayed in the room adjacent to hers, which gave her ears full access to the sound of him sleeping, his breathing… his sleep talking.

Normally, he was a very quiet sleeper; only sleep talking when he was frustrated with something or someone and even then it was barely louder then a whisper.

Even his nightmares were quite…

But she could hear him, as if he was next to her, and She took it all in.

His breathing, his grumbling, his fears, his gasping breath…

She learned a lot about her old friend from listening to him sleep…

Sometimes it was about wanting to throttle someone for causing to much trouble at work, sometimes it was about her stubbornness and other times…

Other times it was about Euphie, or Lelouch… sometimes it was even about their time as children…

She realized a lot about the horrors her friend saw as a child… she learned a lot from Suzaku's pained whispers…

And tonight was no different.

She had learned to wake up at the sounds of her friend's sleeping distress so, when the sound of terrified pleading reached her ears she woke quickly but groggily.

She was confused for a moment.

"Please… Father…" the whisper drifted towards her, frightened and panicked. "Please… please… don't…"

The young Empress shot up in bed. Closing her eyes, she listened.

"Don't…tho' two…" Suzaku's voice clung to her ears, "please… Don't…"

she scrunched her face in worry. Tonight was different. She had never heard him sound this afraid before…

she looked at her wheelchair and hesitated only for a moment before using her hands to move herself towards it.

She could call Sayako but… if she did that then Suzaku might wake from the sound.

Plus, she doubted he'd want her maid to see him distressed.

So Nunnally did something truly foolish.

She tired to slip into her wheelchair all by herself. In the dark.

A thunk, bump, and slide later, she found herself half-on, half-off her chair, staring at the ceiling.

_Good news_, she thought to herself, _I did it. And quietly as well._ With some difficulty, She pulled herself upright into the chair. _Bad news, I'm probably going to have some new bruises tomorrow…_

She moved the wheelchair out into the penthouse living room and was rewarded with the sight of her friend on the couch. And, not for the first time, she realized what a blessing her sight was…

Because if she couldn't see, she wouldn't have been able to truly understand the sight in front of her.

Suzaku was laid out on his back, left hand gripping his chest, right arm dangling off the couch. He still wore Zero's uniform but the helmet and cravat where on the table while he used the cape as a blanket.

But what stood out to her was his face…

Pale and clammy, sweat beading along his cheekbones, and tears slipping from beneath his eyelids… his face was scrunched up it what she clearly knew was terror… pure, uncontrollable terror…

"Please…" he mumbled so desperately, "Don't… harm… 'ose… 'wo…" his right hand reached up, grabbing at whatever was haunting him.

Nunnally moved closer, thankful that Sukazu no longer woke up to the sound of her wheelchair. She placed herself by the arm of the couch, next to his head, and debated on whether she should wake him up.

She wanted to rescue him from his nightmare, but no matter how gently she tried to wake him, there was a fifty percent chance of him waking in a panic.

"Please… Father…" his quiet groans continued, "Don't… harm…those… two…"

That caught Nunnally's attention.

_His father? And "those two"? That means Brother and myself, right? The nightmare must be about our childhood but… I don't remember the Prime Minister trying to harm us…_

"Father… Don't…" He was repeating the same thing over and over again. As if he was stuck in a loop, continuously repeating the same nightmare.

Or maybe he was reliving something? Something from their childhood?

"Suzaku?" She decided to take a chance and called out to him quietly. "Suzaku, please wake up." She gently placed her hand on his cheek and was surprised when that didn't wake him.

But it did something.

"Father, I won't… let you…" he wasn't repeating himself anymore but his hand was flexing itself as if holding onto something.

"Suzaku." She tried again, patting his cheek. "Please wake up."

"I won't… let you… hurt them…" he was shifting now, as if struggling with something.

"Sukazu!" She raised her voice and shook his shoulders. She wasn't very loud but it did the trick.

"NO!" Suzaku's eyes snapped open and he bolted up. Eyes wide, he gripped his chest with both hands as his breathing became ragged.

Nunnally moved her wheelchair to the corner of the couch so she could reach over and touch his back.

"Suzaku?" She meant for her touch to be soothing but instead he recoiled away from her with a flinch.

He stared at her, eyes wide, and she realized he wasn't fully awake and coherent.

"Suzaku, it's me, Nunnally." She tried again, this time more slowly.

He didn't moved as she placed a hand on his arm. He was trembling but his body began to relax.

"Nun…nally?" He asked.

"Hm," she hummed her acknowledgment with a smile. "You where having a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" He placed a hand on his head.

"Yes."

"Just," he began, "a Nigh-hurk!" But he didn't finish. Suddenly his hand flew to his mouth and he tried to fly off the bed. But his legs were tangled in the cape and he fell off instead.

"Suza-!" Nunnally flinched at the sound of retching. "Oh… Suzaku…"

Sayoko appeared at their side and kneeled next to Suzaku, handing him a wastebasket.

He took it without a word and continued to heave into it.

Nunnally moved to his side, while Sayoko left, and began to rub his back.

It was a bit hard to do from the wheelchair but she was determined to help her friend anyway possible.

They remained this way until Suzaku had nothing left in stomach. Nunnally watched as he tried to hold back the dry heaving.

Sayoko returned with a mop, bucket of water, some wet hand towels, and a beer mug filled with water.

She handed a wet towel and the beer mug to Suzaku, who immediately used the water to rinse out his mouth. Once he had finished he pulled himself back onto the couch, somewhat curling up on the side furthest from the mess.

"Sorry, Sayoko-San…" he breathed tiredly, wiping his whole face with the towel.

"Pay it no mind," she gave him a gentle smile and retrieved the towel from him, "I will have it cleaned by morning."

"Thank you…" he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the arm of the couch.

Nunnally moved to the corner of the couch and placed her hand on his head.

"They say that if you talk about a nightmare with someone you will feel better." Nunnally spoke gently as she ran her fingers through his curls.

Suzaku looked at her with half lidded eyes. Eyes… that looked like they held no soul.

He closed them again, leaning into her touch.

"It's fine…" he mumbled. "It doesn't matter anymore…"

"But-" she tried to protest.

"The only thing that matters is that Lelouch was right. The past is the past. I can't change it… it doesn't matter." His voice was void of life and feelings. "Besides… despite it all… I would still make the same choice…"

"Choice?" She asked somewhat encouragingly, hoping for him to slip up and answer her.

"Despite knowing what would happen… I would still do it…" he looked her in the eyes and gingerly cupped her face in one hand. "At that time… I would choose you and Lelouch over anyone… over my family, my teachers, even over all of Japan…"

Nunnally swallowed the lump in her throat.

"But that just shows what a horrible monster I am…" he concluded.

"Your not-!" Her protest died at the look in Suzaku's eyes.

Dead.

Resigned to the fact that he was a horrible person.

Nunnally frowned deeply.

She knew all of what Suzaku had done and yes, it was horrible… but she also knew that he had been broken and shattered.

She closed her eyes and moved her wheelchair as close to the couch as she could.

"Sayoko-San, would you help me please?" She motioned towards the couch, to the spot next to Suzaku.

"Of course, my lady."

Sayoko stood up and helped Nunnally onto the couch.

Suzaku had closed his eyes and was mostly likely to tired to help but that didn't bother Nunnally.

"Thank you." She smiled at her maid once she was on the couch.

"You're welcome." Sayoko Bowed before returning to cleaning.

Nunnally reached over to Suzaku and grabbed hold of his arms. His eyes opened as she pulled herself closer and closer.

Suzaku lifted his head a little to look at her. With a strength and determination that belied her appearance she pulled herself up onto Suzaku's side.

Laying her head on his upper arm, she wrapped her right arm around him and held him tightly.

She supposed she should be embarrassed about this but… Suzaku was one of two people she had no qualms about cuddling with. She mildly wondered if it was because of all the times they did so as children.

But that was something she could think on later. Right now she had something important to say. Something her friend needed to hear.

"Suzaku?" She whispered, a small smile on her face.

"Hm?" He still had the tired, lifeless look about his face.

"You're not a monster to me." She closed her eyes and listened to his heart. "As long as you've realized your mistakes and truly wish to make up for them then… then you can be forgiven."

She heard him take a sharp breath but she didn't give him time to respond.

"But in order for forgiveness to come, you must be willing to change. You must accept your mistakes and never repeat them." His heart was beating faster. "No more betrayals, no more lying, no more selfish desires. But most importantly, no more self-deprecation. How can you forgive yourself if you keep hating yourself?"

"Ninnally… I can't-"

"How can anyone else forgive you if you don't forgive yourself?"

She wasn't berating him or trying to lecture him but she had to at least make him think about her words.

Slowly but surely they had all been healing in their own ways. Suzaku, Kallen, herself, and many others.

But Suzaku's nightmares would always reopen his wounds and pull him into a deep depression.

Nunnally couldn't allow that to keep happening.

"I don't…Want-" Suzaku fumbled for a bit before going quiet. He let out a small sigh and she felt his body go limp. "Forgiveness is something I don't deserve…"

"Everyone deserves forgiveness, Suzaku." Nunnally was surprised at his honesty. He normally kept those sorts of thoughts to himself.

"…" He didn't say anything but she knew he wasn't convinced.

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Suzaku, my Zero, I forgive you for all the wrongs you've done to my Brother and I."

He snapped to look at her, eyes wide and almost wild. She looked him right in the eyes,

"I forgive you for killing my Brother."

He looked like he was ready to break, like he wanted to escape from her but couldn't. She wasn't strong but her body held him in place. Perhaps the fact he couldn't bring himself to push her off was proof he was indeed changing.

"You may not want to be forgiven but I'm going to do it anyway. You are important to me Suzaku. One of the few people still left that I can truly call family." She reached up and held his face gently. "And I know Brother thinks the same."

And just like that… Nunnally broke Suzaku.

* * *

_**A/N:** _thank you for reading!


	2. Suzaku's Absolution part 2- Duality

_**A/N: **_he only problem with using 'writing things by the seat of your pants' for fanfiction is keeping everyone in character. oof! i'm not sure if i managed that but this thing took a life of it's own and i wanted to see it through to the end.

Miner spoilers for the Re;surrection movie

(This isn't meant to be romantic. it's supposed to be platonic but take it as you will.)

* * *

Suzaku's hands flew to his face as he tried to stop the dark, twisting, churning emotions inside of him. He curled up onto his side as his hands practically clawed at his eyes. He tried to hold everything back; his tears, his cries, his fears, his disgust.

The memories from his nightmare slammed into him like a hot knife. He tried to hold it all in, to stay calm.

But he couldn't.

Nunnally's words echoed throughout his mind and everything he had been holding in began to seep out.

Tears and hitched breath escaped him.

He felt Nunnally slip off his side and land next to his back. He wanted to escape from her, to hide from her but he couldn't. Her small hand gripped his shoulder and didn't let go.

She had no physical strength but somehow it felt like the heaviest thing in the world.

"Why?" He gasped, "why are you doing this to me?"

He knew it was a horrible thing to ask, to try and turn this whole debacle on her.

"Because," her hand ran soothingly through his hair, "you're important to me. I understand now, everything that has happened to us; to you, to me… to Brother."

He bit his lip. He didn't want to think about Lelouch right now. He thought he could handle the memories the nightmare had brought back but he was wrong.

He had tried so hard to forget everything that he forgot something important.

He had always been willing to kill for Lelouch and Nunnally.

Even as a child…

That memory, that realization… just made everything else he had ever done in his life even more deplorable then it already was.

And now everything inside him was twisting and churning. A pain he was trying to forget, a pain that was driving him insane.

He was failing at holding himself together, embarrassed and mortified at how easily he could still break.

And all it took was a few kind words from Nunnally while he was at his worst.

He had let go of everything but everything still haunted him. And even though he had finally received the punishment he so desperately wanted the pain had never left him.

He wanted to make up for his sins, to be forgiven but everything he had tried just spiraled out of control and ended up twisted.

He desperately wanted forgiveness but he didn't deserve it.

"I understand," her voice, sweet but deadly, broke into his head, "and that's why I want to forgive you. Because I understand why Brother did what he did and why you became so twisted." She held him from behind, her frame small against his back. She was warm and fragile but her words pierced him like a sword.

"Just like Brother left me in your care, he also left you in mine." Her hand traveled to Suzaku's heart and she pressed against it. "I know we can't go back to how things were but we can rebuild ourselves and each other. We have a chance to start over."

His heart was beating rapidly and his sobs were quite but unstable. Every word she said was something he already knew, something a part of him didn't want to hear while another part of him did.

"I hate to see you suffering, Suzaku. There's to much of that in our pasts already."

_But isn't that the point?_ He wanted to scream. _Isn't the point of punishments to suffer?_

"Brother left you to me, so I will rebuild you." She continued. "Even if Suzaku Kururugi no longer exists, together we will rebuild you. A new Zero, a new you."

"That's not fair, Nunnally…" He chocked back. "Don't I get a say in all this?"

"No." Her voice was firm and left no room for arguments. But it was not cold. "I'll repeat myself over and over until you believe it."

"Don't…" he begged but he knew she'd ignore it.

"I forgive you, Suzaku. You're not a monster anymore."

He cried, ashamed at his weakness. Ashamed he could still cry. Ashamed that just a few words from Nunnally were enough to affect him like this.

And…

He was ashamed at how much he was clinging to her words, desperate to hear them in his temporary insanity.

He hated them. He wanted them

They healed him, they tore him apart.

And she new it.

She was breaking him at his seams and stitching him together again.

And he was too tired to fight it. Emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.

He just didn't care anymore but she did.

And it hurt.

She felt like acid on his back.

But her hand felt soothing over his heart.

Her words were poisonous but sweet.

He was twisting inside, warring with himself, and falling apart.

And it was Nunnally's fault.

The nightmare had set him on edge and she had tipped him over it.

But she was also the only thing holding him together… almost literally.

"Suzaku?" She called and He braced himself for whatever she said next. "Thank you for protecting me and Lelouch when we were little." something seized up inside of him.

"Wh-what?" A new fear squeezed inside him.

"I don't know the details but I have enough pieces of the puzzle to put some things together."

"Puzzle?" His fingers dug into his skin as dread creeped over him.

"…" She didn't answer him. Instead she reached up and gently brushed his hands from his face.

"Nunnally?" He called uncertainly. "Hey, Nunnally, what… are you talking about?" he had to find out how much she knew.

But she still didn't reply.

"Nunnally? Nunnally?! Hey!" Unknown panic gripped his heart and he finally found the strength to move. He uncurled his body and tuned onto his back. As he moved, He felt Nunnally shift as well.

She was now wedged between his side and the back of the couch, her arm reached across his chest and gripped his shoulder. Her eyes where closed as she leaned her head on his other shoulder.

"Nunnally?" His voice sounded ready to break again. "Hey… Nunnally?"

Finally she opened her eyes and looked at him.

And he wished she hadn't.

Her eyes shined with so many unspoken words.

Sadness, understanding, warmth, strength, determination, affection, and…

Forgiveness.

Suzaku's breathes hitched as he realized he'd fallen for her trap. He had been curled up, hiding from the world but she tricked him into looking at her.

She wanted him to face her, so he could see the truth in her eyes.

He tried to turn back around but she put all her weight on him, pulling at his shoulder.

He could turn around if he wanted but… Nunnally could get hurt…

Instead he leaned all the way back and covered his eyes with his arms.

"Why?" The churning, squeezing darkness inside him began to swell up again. "Please, stop." He begged. "Please let me go…"

"No, Suzaku." He could feel her eyes on him. She reached up and pulled one of his arms down. "Please look at me. I have one last thing left to say."

"No…" he almost whimpered.

"Suzaku, Please." Her hand cupped his face, her thumb brushing away his tears.

Her hand both stung him and soothed him.

"Suzaku, I'm not trying to hurt you…" her voice sounded sad. "Please Suzaku. You trust me don't you?"

She was trapping him again, not giving him a choice.

"Trust isn't," his breath shuddered, "isn't the issue…"

"Suzaku, please. It's just one last thing." She let go of his face and he felt her moving again, pushing and pulling her upper body onto his. Once she was situated, she moved his other arm away and leaned over him.

Face to face, he couldn't look away anymore.

She smiled at him sadly and almost apologetically.

"Suzaku, it goes without saying that my Brother is my greatest treasure. However, excluding him, I have another great treasure. One more important to me then anything. One I would do almost anything for."

Suzaku tensed up, he didn't want her to continue. Yet at the same time he did.

She cupped his face in both hands and looked him straight in the eyes.

"You." She said it so simply, with a soft, bright smile. It was if she was sharing the biggest secret in the world with him. "Suzaku, You are also my greatest treasure."

He wanted to shove her off and run. To hide in some far off corner of the world.

Yet…

He also wanted to hold her close and never let go. To childishly accept her forgiveness and cling to her kindness.

His face once again scrunched up as his last little bit of self-control fell away. All the pent up emotions he had been holding in all this time finally broke free. The pains from the past, the pains from Zero Requiem, the pain of failing to protect Nunnally, the pain of seeing Lelouch again, and the pain of living… it all escaped him.

-o-o-

Sayoko watched from another room as Nunnally wrapped her arms around Suzaku's neck and hugged him.

The young man returned her hug, his hands digging into her back. He was crying in earnest with silent, barely noticeable sobs racking his body.

Sayoko gave a small smile before closing the door and returning to bed.

* * *

_**A/N:**_ i hope you enjoyed it! thank you for reading! please let me know if you see any spelling or/and grammar mistakes!

before i forget, the thing that originally inspired me to write this was Suzaku's 2nd reason for committing Patricide. apparently, in the stage 0 light novel Prime Minister Kururugi was going to kill Nunnally in what could only be called a political move. despite Suzaku's begging, his father knocked him aside and planed to go through with the plan. suffice to say the prime minister never left that room alive.

i'm not sure how canon this is but i feel it gives more depth to Suzaku and makes all that he does that much more desperate and painful.


	3. Suzaku's punishment

_**A/N: **_this was inspired by all those "band things happen bingos" out there. and it's also my first time writing these characters ^^; i apologize if their not in character.

slight spoilers for the movie. but not really since the trailer spoiled this particular spoiler...

uh, enjoy?

* * *

Thanks to Lelouch the world was on it's was towards peace. It wasn't a perfect peace but it was a start and as long as people like Nunnally were leading the way it was a peace that would last.

But humanity wasn't perfect. There would always be conflict and criminals… there would always be bad people.

And they would always threaten the peace.

That's way there had to be a Zero, a Zero who would act as a symbol of justice, a Zero who could take down any criminal or terrorist.

A symbol that would make others think twice about breaking the peace.

Suzaku had become accustomed to being Zero, to filling the shoes Lelouch left him. And Even though he thought the former emperor was the better Zero he took comfort in knowing that he had his friend's support and approval for how he handled the mantle of Zero.

As far as punishments went, it was both the worst and the best.

It really all depended on the day and today was somewhere in the middle.

If he was dead he wouldn't have to deal with the worlds crap.

But since he was alive he could protect Nunnally.

No matter how many bullet and knife wounds he might receive.

Because it was better that the knife was sticking out of him instead of his dear friend.

Standing tall, showing no signs that the knife in his side hurt, he loomed over The man who had dared to try and stab Nunnally. In shock the man failed to retreat fast enough and Suzaku grabbed his wrist. Twisting it quickly, he had the man's arm behind his back and his neck within Zero's gloved hand.

He placed the man between himself and the other terrorist, idly hoping they had some sense of comradery. If they didn't then his new meat shield was useless.

Ultimately it didn't matter since the bodyguards around them acted quickly, jumping and apprehending the terrorists in their shocked stupor. Apparently they found it hard to believe someone could ignore a knife in their gut.

But one of them managed to get away and Suzaku couldn't allow that. Tossing his assailant to one of the bodyguards, he ran after the escapee, ignoring Nunnally's calls of protest.

"Zero! The knife!"

Oh, he was aware of the knife, it hurt and was impeding his agility but he couldn't remove it. If he did the bleeding would worsen and he had a job to do.

Jumping off the ground and kicking off the wall, he landed in front of the terrorist, a woman apparently. She pulled out a gun and shot at him.

He dodged it but just barely. With a twirl he used his body's momentum to land a kick to the side of her head and sent her fly into the ground. More security finally caught up to them and they apprehended the last criminal.

"Thank you sir." One of the security said. "We can take it from here. Please take her highness and yourself to safety." The man's eyes zeroed in on the knife.

"I will." He assured the man as he walked back towards Nunnally. "Thank you for your help."

"Zero…" Nunnally gave him this look. A look of worry and frustration.

"I'm fine, highness." He replied, no hint of pain in his voice, as he gripped the handles of her wheelchair. "Let's relocate to somewhere safe and then worry about the knife."

Thankfully, 'somewhere safe' wasn't to far away, just on the other side of the hotel they where in and a few floors up. By the time they reached there, a certain Sayako Shinozaki was already waiting, first aid kit in hand.

"Everyone," Nunnally called out, "Please allow us some privacy." She asked the security guards who had escorted them.

"But-" they began to protest.

"I'll be fine," she smiled, "please stand guard outside."

"Don't worry about her Highness's safety," Breathed a slightly out of breath Kallen, who walked into the room. "She has three Knights by her side and a simple," she paused as she saw the knife, "a simple knife will not stop Zero from doing his job." She finished as she gestured out of the room.

The security guards gave each other resigned looks and did as instructed.

As soon as the door was closed Kallen spun on her heels and gave Suzaku a wide-eyed look.

"How are you still standing?!" She hissed as she stalked over to him.

"Blame Lelouch…" came the exasperated reply. Room now empty from unwanted eyes, he removed his helmet.

Kallen stopped in front of him, taking in a sharp breath at the sight in front of her.

Pale skin and sunken eyes, sweat practically pouring down his face and rings of red glowing around his iris's. He looked ready to pass out.

"Suzaku…" she breathed out and then gripped his arms, all but shoving him backwards and forcing him to sit on the bed.

"This is Nun-"

"It's fine," Nunnally turned her wheelchair around, "We have the entire floor rented. We'll just switch rooms." She gave him a small smile. "But first we need to take care of that knife."

"We can do some basic first aid." Sayako stated as she walked over to Suzaku. "It will do while we wait for the ambulance." Kneeling down she examined the knife and then opened the first aid kit.

She pulled out two pairs of latex gloves and a towel. She handed one pair to Kallen and put the other pair on.

"Since we can't remove the knife there's not much we can do." She removed Zero's cape and cravat before helping him lie down. Then laid the towel around the knife.

"What about his identity?" Kallen asked as she pulled on the latex gloves.

"We have a trust worthy doctor and his team on the way." Sayako motioned for Kallen to take her spot. "They're bringing everything they'll need to treat his wound, including the necessary equipment for surgery." She guided Kallens' hands to ether side of the knife as she spoke; from there she realized what the maid wanted her to do.

She pressed down on the wound, towards the knife and Suzaku hissed in pain.

"Sorry!" she did her best not to move the knife around, adjusting her hands and the towel as necessary. "just deal with it a little longer." She winced.

Suzaku's breathing became more ragged as he finally allowed his fight instincts to calm down but…

He could feel it… the Geass command was getting stronger. He could use it in battle and it would fade away after but now?

Now it was only getting stronger. The urge to live was consuming him and he knew his body wouldn't hold still if that happened. He'd only cause trouble for the others and make his injury worse.

The Geass was consuming him, the word 'live' echoing inside his head over and over and over and over and overandoverandoveran-

"Nunn…ally?" he called out, eyes wide, red rim glowing stronger. He lifted his hand towards something only he could see.

"Suzaku! Don't move!" Kallen scolded, her hands having shifted thanks to his movement.

Nunnally grabbed his hand and pulled it towards her, having moved herself as close to him as she could.

"I'm right here." She said softly. "What is it?"

"Lelouch's…" he paused as his hectic breath interfered. "…voice."

That made the three women pause.

"Is… the wound causing him to become delusional?" Kallen asked, making sure to keep the pressure around the knife strong and steady.

"No…" Nunnally answered. Her face became determined and she leaned forward as best she could. Using her free arm as leverage, she pulled herself half onto the bed and over Suzaku. Her face appeared above his, her hair cascading around them.

"Nun…nal…ly?" he questioned.

She smiled and placed her forehead against his.

"You are living." She confirmed. "You are alive and will be fine."

"Ah…" the small sound escaped his lips, as her voice broke through the chaos in his head. "I'm… living?"

"Yes, you are alive and will remain so." She gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "The doctors will make sure of it…"

She watched as the red rings around his eyes faded and his eyelids dropped.

His breathing calmed and his eyes glazed over. It looked like he was about to loose conciseness.

"Nunnally?" Kallen questioned.

"My brother's… wish… for Suzaku is both a blessing… and a curse." She replied sadly. Sayako helped her sit back in her chair but she never let go of her protectors' hand.

"His wish?" Kallen looked towards the door, at the sound of rushing footsteps in the hall.

"He wished for him to live…" her eyes never left Suzaku's face. "But he whished to hard…" her voice was soft and low, barely a whisper but Kallen heard the implications.

Knocking at the door caught their attention but Sayako was already answering it.

"The medics are here." She announced and opened the door just wide enough for them to walk in but not enough that the security guards could sneak a peek.

Kallen was surprised enough to recognize the medical team from home, and faintly wondered if they had been in on Lelouch's plan or if there was something else at play.

In any case, one of them took over her job and she moved Nunnally out of the way so the rest could do their job.

The two watched as the medics quickly set to work, setting up equipment and tending to Suzaku's wound. Sayako stayed by the door guarding it from prying eyes and then guarding it from the inside.

The medics cautioned them about staying but Nunnally refused to leave. She would stay out of their way but she would not leave Zero's side.

o-o-o

Muffled noise broke through the blackness around Suzaku. Soft talking and hushed laughter. Surprisingly, despite the fact the noise was dragging him from sleep, he couldn't bring himself to be upset.

There was something about the voices that was comforting. So, instead of fighting to remain asleep, he focused on his surroundings.

He was on a soft bed and he could feel a gentle breeze. There was movement by his left hip, as if someone was sitting on the bed, and small hands holding his own.

He tried to open his eye and regretted it immediately.

"Urk." The sound escaped his mouth as he flinched his eyes back closed.

Suddenly, there was silence. The talking had stopped. He frowned at this. Those familiar voices had been nice; he didn't mean to make them stop…

"Suzaku?" two voice's spoke simultaneously. One was Nunnally, the other he couldn't place… but… he knew it.

"Is bright…" he grumbled, voice a little slurred from sleep. Or was it something else? He felt super sluggish…

"Kallen, will you turn off the lights?" the voice asked.

"Okay."

"Suzaku, how are you feeling?" the voice questioned. Suzaku frowned.

He _knew_ this voice! He knew it well. In fact he should know it better then almost anyone else's… he heard it all the time… it was a voice he heard when the speaker wasn't even present, a voice he had just heard earlier, repeating one word over and over and over agai-

Suzaku's eyes flew open, ignoring how what little light there was blinded him.

Lelouch sat there, on the bed next to him, slight concern ever so slightly distorting his features. Next to him, in her wheelchair, was Nunnally who was holding Sukazu's hand, and on Lelouch other side, was C.C. who was also sitting on the bed.

Silence filled the room.

"Suzaku?" Lelouch questioned, perfect poker face back in place, and Suzaku was filled with the urge to shove him off the bed.

But his body was too tired and sluggish to do that.

"Why?" he asked instead, finally allowing his eyes to blink at the offensive light.

"We were a few towns over when we heard the news," C.C. replied, "and decided to check on you. He," she poke Lelouch's cheek, "wouldn't stop worrying."

"C.C…." the former Zero groaned and swatted her hand away. "We were close enough to check on you, that's all." He refuted he claims but…

Suzaku didn't miss they way his eyes locked onto his, as if looking for something, before looking away again.

Suzaku frowned. Was it guilt? Was he still feeling guilty about using his Geass on him?

Well, admittedly, Suzaku could still be upset about the Geass at times. After all, it meant he'd probably die a pathetic death, thrashing and desperate to 'live' but…

But they had all moved on from the past. Overcoming it and letting it go, in someway, shape or form. And Suzaku was surprisingly content with his life now.

However, the memory of the Geass shouting 'live' inside his head was still fresh and annoying. So,

"Thanks," he smiled weakly and then mumbled something towards Lelouch.

"What?" the young man blinked and leaned forward.

"Punishment." Was all Suzaku said before shoving a pillow into his friends face.

"Bwa?!" came the undignified sound of surprise.

"Suzaku!" Nunnally scolded.

"What was the for?!" Lelouch shoved the pillow right back into Suzaku's satisfied expression.

"Punishment." Came the muffled reply. Nunnally confiscated the pillow and handed it to a grinning Kallen.

"Punishment?" Lelouch looked slightly scandalized. "For what?"

"You're the smart one." Suzaku yawned but then smiled. It was a truly happy and peaceful smile. "Figure it out."

Lelouch gave him this look, a mix between disbelief and exasperated affection.

Suzaku wasn't going to tell Lelouch how the Geass affected him that day. There was no need to dreg up the past. Nunnally was able to help him and the medics where able to do their job in peace.

"But, you know," Suzaku smile widened, "It'd be nice if you could make it up to me."

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

Suzaku heard Nunnally and the others laugh as he and Lelouch devolved into friendly bickering.

Lelouch's one-sided wish had been a curse to Suzaku, denying him the one thing he wanted most… and guarantying him a pathetic death… the former emperor's next wish was no different… forcing him to live while the other died…

But these wishes… these Geass had become his strength and today…

Today his punishment as Zero had been the best.

After all, he was alive and the people he cared for were smiling and happy.

* * *

_**A/N:**_ please let me know what you thought or if you see any spelling or grammar mistakes. thanks for reading and have a nice day!


	4. Did You Know?

_**A/N:** inspired by Suzaku's TvTropes page! sorry it's short ^^;_

_(Once again this was written by the seat of my pants!)_

* * *

Kallen wasn't sure if she'd ever get used to the fact Suzaku was Zero. Even after verifying the facts for herself.

But at the least she could concede he did a good job of playing the part. Once that helmet was on, all traces of the broken boy he had been where gone and in its place was Zero; tall, steady, mostly quiet but always scheming. He never let anything bother him and took stock of any situation with a calculating calm that could rival Lelouch's.

Wether he was piloting a knightmare, staring down the beral of a gun, or…

(Kallen stifled a laugh.)

Or even with a cat hanging off his arm.

Suza- no, Zero, had just put down food for Arthur when the cat latched onto his arm with his front paws. as the young man stood up, The cat's claws and teeth sunk into The fabric of his uniform, brushing against his skin.

The cat dangled there and a moment of silence floated in the air.

Kallen used her hand to stifle her laughter.

Somethings never changed.

Zero remained calm. Eventually using his other hand to pry the cat off him and set it back down.

But Kallen knew that behind that mask there was a man using all of his willpower not to slump and complain.

His cat still wouldn't stop biting him…

As she lead him out of the room and they made their way to the Empress, a comfortable silence hung between them. But somehow she could tell that the man behind the mask was allowing himself to sulk a little. She doubted anyone else would be able to tell… but…

Kallen smiled and made a decision.

She decided to make his day.

"Did you know cats bit the people they love?"

Zero's entire body froze. Mid-step.

She watched in silence as he procsesed the information.

"Is that so?" Was his reply before he began moving again.

"It is." She grinned.

To Suzaku, to the people, and to Lelouch, Zero was a symbol. A symbol of justice who stood steadfast and unflinching.

And Kallen was probably the only person who could see the small hop in his step.

She had definitely made his day.

* * *

_**A/N:** i hope you enjoyed!_


	5. Fever Induced

_**A/N:** __Normally for these drabbles i try to stay as close to canon as possible and i also try to stay away from ship tease since i want as many people to enjoy then as possible._

_but for this one i decided to be self indulgent ^^; This was inspired by the questions "Would Suzaku get another love interest?" "Would it be a new character or an existing one?" "Would it be Kallen, Nunnally, or someone else?" "Who makes the most sense?"_  
_my answer? Nunnally. i'll put my reasoning in the end notes. I hope you enjoy._

_Also this had not been proofread!_

* * *

Suzaku was sleeping. He was out like a light and gone to the world. His face was scrunched up in discomfort and red as a tomato. He was also burning to the touch.

"He's sick." Nunnally concluded as she removed the thermometer from his forehead and read it. She winced at how high it was.

"Considering he hasn't woken despite how much noise we're making, I'm not surprised." Kallen said as she crossed her arms and leaned over the former Knight of Zero.

"Will you be able to handle his workload today?" Nunnally asked the Black Knight.

"Hm…" Kallen's face fell and paled a little as she thought about everything that Suzaku did throughout the day. The life of Zero was not an easy one. "I think… I should be able to handle it?" She questioned more then stated. "At least all the non important things. Anything super important will have to wait until he's better…"

"That's Fair enough." Nunnally gave a small sympathetic laugh. "Just say I sent him on a sudden mission. As for myself I'll have Sister Cornelia cover for me today. Will you deliver that message to her for me?"

"Shouldn't you tell her yourself?" Kallen raised a brow at Nunnally.

"Hm… probably but," Nunnally ran her hand over Suzaku's forehead and smoothed out his furrowed brow, "I don't think I should leave his side." Suzaku's face relaxed under her hand and she gave a small smile.

"Hm…" Kallen hummed in agreement. "With a fever that high he'll probably be really out of it and incoherent."

"Fevers sometimes bring nightmares and delirium, as well." Nunnally added on.

"Is that what you're worried about?" The Black Knight asked, a little bit concerned.

"Somewhat." The young Empress agreed. "I used to get very bad fevers and nightmares when I was little."

"I see but I don't think Suzaku is as weak as you expect."

"True but… he's also not as strong as you think he is. He's still healing after all."

"Aren't we all…" Kallen sighed in understanding. "I'll head out now. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will, thank you." Nunnally smiled and waved goodbye as Kallen left.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Suzaku," Nunnally spoke softly, "wake up. You need to eat something." She gave his shoulder a small but gentle shake.

"Hmm…?" a small groan escaped him as he slowly blinked his eyes open. He rubbed at them and turned towards her but his eyes where glazed over and unfocused. His expression was one of confusion.

"Food." Nunnally laughed as she held up a small tray with a bowl and teacup.

"Ah." He mumbled in understanding and struggled to sit up. Nunnally set the tray on the bedside table and reached over to help him sit up, her slender arms surprisingly strong enough to hold his upper body up while he haphazardly moved his pillow to lean on.

Once he was settled in a sitting position Nunnally placed the tray on his lap.

"It's Okayu and ginger tea." She explained as Suzaku stared blankly at the food on his lap.

"Oka…yu?" He asked, confused again.

"Yes, Sayoko-San made it for you. She said you should be able to keep it down." Nunnally explained as Suzaku slowly lifted his spoon and scooped up a small heaping of the rice porridge.

Hesitantly, he placed the spoon in his mouth, no doubt remembering his inability to keep last night's dinner down.

His eyes widened in surprise as he chewed and swallowed.

"She… used chicken broth?" He asked as the familiar taste of his home country greeted him.

"Yes, since it's both good for you and tasty!" She smiled at him as he continued to slowly eat his food.

Suzaku was able to eat about half of it before he set the spoon down and shook his head, indicating that he was finished. Nunnally moved the tray back to the side table and covered the bowl with a lid before handing Suzaku the teacup.

"You should at least sip on it a little." She suggested.

Suzaku gave the small blue flower printed Britannian teacup a dubious look before sipping it and holding back a chocking sound.

Nunnally bit her lip to hold back her laughter as Suzaku's face contorted in disgust.

"My tongue is tingling." He said as he stuck out his tongue.

Nunnally covered her mouth as she realized Suzaku forgot that the tea was ginger. It was also homemade from pure ginger root so, while it did wonders for the stomach, it was incredibly, incredibly strong.

Suzaku shot Nunnally a little glare as he continued to, carefully, sip at his tea. Her struggle to hold back her laughter now discovered, she allowed herself to chuckle a little.

After a few minutes Suzaku handed her the almost empty teacup and haphazardly flattened out his pillow so he could lie back down. He all but collapsed onto his side with a poofy plop and Nunnally ran her fingers through his hair. Within minutes he was asleep again, a content expression settling onto his features.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Nunnally had been reading one of her new books when Suzaku began to mumble and shift about. She looked up and saw his face twisting into something fearful and desperate as he gripped his bed sheets tightly.

"Suzaku?" She called out and gently placed her hand on his arm. "Oh no!" She gasped at how hot his skin was. Any hotter and it could burn her at a touch.

She fumbled with her book before just letting it fall to the ground while she reached over for the forehead thermometer. Turning it on she somehow managed to run it across his forehead and paled when she saw how high his fever had risen. She tossed the thermometer back onto the table and grabbed her cell phone.

"Oh no no no!" She groaned when she saw the time and realized she had forgotten to wake Suzaku up for his medicine. She was an hour late and that was all it took for his fever to skyrocket.

Suzaku's mumbling turned into painful groans and little cries.

"Suzaku!" Nunnally shook his shoulder. "Suzaku wake up. Please wake up!"

Suzaku's eyes cracked open and darted around in panic.

"It's alright!" Nunnally soothed and cupped his face, turning it to look at her.

His eyes landed on her in a glazed panic.

"Nunna…lly?" He rasped out, in foggy confusion. He feebly reached for her and she took his hand in hers.

"Yes, it's me. I'm here." She said as his trembling hand cupped her face.

"You… okay?" He mumbled out, his voice shaky and tired.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said softly. "But you need to take your medicine."

"Med… i… cine?" He asked as his confusion grew. He once again looked around the room but he only looked more and more lost.

Nunnally reached over to the side table and grabbed the box of cold and flu medicine with her left hand. Her right hand never let go of Suzaku's still trembling hand.

"Yes," she replied gently as she managed to one-handedly pop out a pill. She carefully held the pill in the palm of her hand with three fingers while she grabbed a water bottle with her thumb and forefinger. "You have a high fever so you need to take your medicine." She explained slowly.

"Ah…" Some of the confusion in Suzaku's glazed over eyes lifted but she wasn't sure how aware or awake he really was.

She placed the bottle between her knees, freeing her hand so she could twist off its cap.

"Here," she placed the cap on her leg and then lifted the bottle towards Suzaku. "Drink some water."

Suzaku moved his hand from her cheek and tried to prop himself up but couldn't.

Nunnally switched the pill and bottle to her right hand and used her free left hand to hold Suzaku's head up. She placed the water bottle against his lips and carefully poured some in.

"Ready for the pill?" She asked after he swallowed some water.

"Hm." He hummed his confirmation and opened his mouth.

Nunnally slipped the pill in and then immediately poured some water into his mouth. A little bit of water spilled out from the corner of his lips but she was rewarded with the sound of him gulping and giving a small cough.

"Okay." He said and Nunnally laid his head back down.

She replaced the bottle cap back to its place and returned the bottle to the table.

She used her hand to check his fever and watched as Suzaku took in deep raspy breaths, as if he was trying to meditate.

He was still hot to the touch and Nunnally knew that if the fever didn't go down she would have to get the doctor.

"Nunnally?" Suzaku called out, his hazy eyes looking for her.

"I'm right here." She said with a small smile and leaned onto the bed so Suzaku could see her better. His eyes landed on her and relief shown from them. "Don't… go…" he mumbled out.

"Go? Where would I go?" She asked.

"To Euphy…" He said quietly.

Nunnally's heart sunk as she figured out what kind of nightmare he must have been having.

"I'm not going anywhere, Suzaku." She ran her hand through his hair again. "I promise."

Suzaku closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling of her hand on his forehead. When he opened them again they were a little less hazy but much more tired.

"I can't… loose you… again." He mumbled out and gingerly touched her cheek with his knuckles. "When we… lost you… our world died… I lost Euphy but… still had you… then I thought… I had k-"

"Suzaku, It's alright." Nunnally gently cut him off. She knew the fever was getting to him but she couldn't let him focus on the bad things. "I'm staying right here." She leaned forward, using her arms to prop herself up, and kissed his forehead.

As she leaned back Suzaku touch the spot she kissed, his eyes droopy and tired.

It seemed to take him a moment to process what happened but then he gave her a small smile.

"May I… give one in… return?" he asked as he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes open.

"Of course." Nunnally smiled and leaned forward again, expecting him to kiss her cheek or forehead.

He reached up and gently held her face between his still trembling hands and lifted his head up.

For the briefest of moments His lips met hers.

Nunnally's eyes widened at the feeling of Suzaku's warmth and continued to stare wide-eyed at him as he lay back down.

His gaze was still hazy and glazed over but now a small grin graced his face. His thumbs caressed Nunnally's blushing cheeks.

"I won't… loose you again… Nunnally…" he eyes dropped closed and his hands retreated, his left arm draped across his chest, his right arm alongside his body.

He opened his eyes once more.

"I'll… al…ways… pro…tect… you…" he declared as sleep over took him.

Nunnally, her cheeks flushed red, sat back down in her wheelchair and buried her face in her hands. She had no idea how to process what just happened but…

She moved her right hand down and touched her lips.

She did know… that she didn't dislike it.

Still though, she was incredibly thankful no one had seen what just happened.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Suzaku opened his eyes and looked around the room. It was morning again, which meant he'd been bedridden for more then twenty-four hours.

However…

Suzaku sat up and placed a hand on his head. He had a small headache and couldn't remember anything after drinking the ginger tea. It was a hazy muted blur of sound and color.

But he got the distinct impression he did something he shouldn't have.

"Suzaku?" Nunnally called as Sayoko pushed her wheelchair into his room. "Your awake!" She cheered when she saw him sitting up.

"How are you feeling, Suzaku-sama?"

"Better." He replied with his still raspy and scratchy voice. "But I still feel sick. My head is killing me."

"Well, you're fever did get dangerously high yesterday." Nunnally said as her wheelchair chair was placed by Suzaku's bedside. "I wouldn't be surprised if it takes another day or two for the fever to break." She grabbed a thermometer from the table and handed it to him. "Turn it on, then place it under your tongue. Don't take it out until it beeps twice."

"Yes, ma'am." Suzaku did as instructed.

"I'll be right back with some breakfast for everyone." Sayoko gave a small bow and left the room.

"It'll probably be the left over Okayu." Nunnally mused and Suzaku hum in agreement.

The thermometer beep twice and he pulled it out but before he could look at it Nunnally swiped it from his hand.

"Oh, thank goodness." She sighed in relief. "It has gone down."

"But it's still there?" Suzaku asked.

"Yes but as long as we stay on top of your medicine it shouldn't go back up again." She said cheerfully but with well-hidden guilt.

"Nunnally?" He asked.

"Yes?" She looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Did," he hesitated. "Did something… happen yesterday?" He asked.

Nunnally's face stiffened ever so slightly and her face began to blush a little.

"Why do you ask?" She smiled cheerfully again and he recognized it as her 'I'm hiding something' smile.

"I don't remember anything after I drank the tea." He admitted. "I… think I might have woken up again but I'm not sure."

Nunnally stared at him for a long moment. A very 'to long' kind of moment and a bit of dread began to settle in.

"Nunnally?" He called her in worry. "Did something happen? Did I do or say something I shouldn't have?"

Slowly she shook her head and then smiled in relief.

"You didn't do or say anything bad." She gave him a guilty look. "I forgot to give you your medicine on time so your fever worsened and you had a nightmare but that's it."

"Really?" He asked, not quite believing she was had told him everything.

"Really!" She smiled her 'I'm hiding something' smile again and Suzaku knew there was more to the story.

But Nunnally had decided not to tell him everything and once she made up her mind on something she was as stubborn as him and Lelouch.

"If you say so," he mumbled wearily.

"Breakfast is ready." Sayoko said as she walked into the room, fallowed by Shirley.

"Shirley?" Suzaku exclaimed in shock. "Why?" He began but was cut off by the sound from the young lady's cell phone.

"I asked her to check up on you." Lelouch's voice held a bit of a laugh.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku's face lit up at the sound of his friend's voice. "Where are you now?"

"Somewhere in Europia." He answered. "Our car broke down on a hill and we ended up far off our initial path but thankfully we're on a main road."

"Wow…" Suzaku responded. "You're luck still sucks."

"Suzaku!" Both Nunnally and Shirley scolded.

Suzaku laughed as Sayoko placed a tray of food on his lap.

Once he had calmed down he, Nunnally, Shirley, Lelouch, and C.C. Spent the rest of the morning talking and catching up.

Suzaku was sure something had happened, that he had did or said something, but for now it was okay that he didn't remember.

He would ether figure it out or remember it eventually.

**~Omake~**

_-The day before_

Shirley carefully closed the door to Suzaku's room with a bright red blush on her face.

"I can't believe you made me peep on them!" She whispered her complaint to the phone in her hands as she turned it back towards herself. Starring back at her from the video chat was Lelouch and C.C. Both of whom had somewhat triumphant smiles on their faces.

"I wasn't about to miss the unexpected reemergence of one of my discarded plans." Lelouch replied dryly.

"What?" Shirley asked in shock. "Don't tell me you were planning on playing matchmaker with Suzaku and Nunnally?"

"Initially? Yes, I was, but that plan fell apart before I could implement it."

"But in the end you still got your wish." C.C. Hummed with a smile.

"But it took a fever for it to happen." Lelouch groaned as Sayoko ushered Shirley back towards the living room. "And I bet you anything he won't remember it tomorrow."

"High fevers tend to do that." Sayoko replied.

"You'll keep me updated on any knew development, Sayoko-san?" Lelouch inquired.

"Lulu!" Shirley scolded.

"Yes, of course." Sayoko responded with a smile.

"Not you to Miss Sayoko!" Shirley gave the maid a look of disbelief.

Sayoko gave a small chuckle as Shirley sat down on the couch and continued to chat, and scold, Lelouch and C.C..

* * *

_**A/N:** why Nunnally?_

_Nunnally and Suzaku have always been close, even when he hated Lelouch he still tried to take good care of Nunnally. as Children he was even willing to enter into a politically arranged marriage with her to save her from having to be married to his Father and Lelouch himself was seriously contemplating setting them up together. i'm sure there some more moments that i can't remember but these were the ones i remember the most._

_thank you for reading and let me know if you see any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. i will eventually get around to fixing them._


	6. Important Authors note!

**_A/N:_** I have deleted and moved one of the drabbles from this collection. it felt to out of place here and might have been a bit to weird and i want people to be able to enjoy the rest of the post-canon drabbles i will wright for Suzaku.

_-Replies to reviews below-_

**Siegfried:** _Thank you for the review and your kind words! i'm writing these because of the general lack of Suzaku fanfiction T-T (that fits my taste ^^; ) also, i actually kept some of what you said in mind for this :)_

**Nerv-01:** _Thank you for the comment! and yeah, He's great for ether drama or comedy!_

**Lancelot-07:** _thank you for leaving a review but... i'm afraid i don't understand what you're trying to say :( sorry!_

_-o-o-o-o-o-_

**Allan Walker Noe:** _uh... i thought they were 16 and 19? did... did i do my math wrong? ._

**Lancelot-07:** _are you asking about what i thought of the new movie? I LOVED IT! i know that as a movie it doesn't have much time to devote to certain characters and subplots but i love it anyway. it has single handedly got me obsessed with the GC franchise. The original anime was good but the thing that kept me from watching all of it was the trope "Poor communication kills". i HATE that trope with a passion. the movie though took that trope and chucked it out the window. there's more but uh, i've blabbed quiet a bit already._


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